Counting Stars
by Kreigen
Summary: Post-Adamant Fluff with Sera and f!Adaar. One-shot in first person from Sera's viewpoint. Sera can't sleep after entering The Fade physically. Covers her feelings towards The Fade/Demons and Adaar. Minor suggestive/heavy themes but generally light/fun fiction.


**A/N - Hello again!**

**So this little one-shot was an experiment - I wanted to see if I could write a whole fic in first-person from Sera's viewpoint (yes I also want to watch the World burn) as a little challenge to myself.**

**I guess it is down to you guys whether or not it succeeded!**

**Just a bit of fun - found it hard to find her voice but I hope I got a nice balance in the end.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Have you ever met someone so unbelievably…_fit_, that your head starts to spin, just as if you were running around in circles with your arms spread out?

I'm not talking about your plain, average ones; the ones that make you a bit warm and fuzzy, a bit wet between the legs, right? I mean someone so mind-bogglingly, out of this world gorgeous that you start seeing double, no, _triple_ vision before your eyes; scenes that even the smartest demon couldn't trick you into. Not only that, because you've got multiple versions of this person swimming around in your wide eyes, the effect gets even _worse _and you end up jabbering away like a cat in sack…yeah?

Well that was what it was like when I met her…sauntering in like that, all horns and _height_, my word did she have height! Lighter-skinned that I had imagined for a Quanari, and with a posh accent…that almost threw me, but then I remembered that she couldn't right well be a noble could she (thank Andraste's tits for that one)? Probably _not_ into all that Qun shit either, given that she was running around with this Inquisition lot. So I decided it was alright to like her, not against my morals or any of that rubbish.

Then I almost started drooling, which I have to admit was not all that smooth. She insists that she didn't notice, and that she was too busy admiring me herself. That would be her honey tongue at work; she could charm the pants off a Chantry Sister (although she better not, unless she wants an arrow in the backside), although given the reputation of our own spymaster, perhaps they aren't all as virtuous as they make out (we can hope, eh?).

Of course, I thought she was going to be all serious and proper and blah, blah, blah let's save the entire world, I am the Herald of Andraste, yawn, yawn…But then, we make it back to Haven, and would you believe it, she starts chatting me up the second I've got my bum on a seat. After that I kept a _very_ close eye on her indeed.

Between fighting demons, stopping the Templars from destroying themselves, and throwing massive rocks at Coryphyshit, I noticed she still had time left over to care for all her companions; but I started to get an inkling I was getting special attention, and I started to return it without any sort of control. She even started to help my friends; the Red Jennys that sought to right all the noble crap (trust me there's a lot), even though it deepened Cullen-Wullen's frown lines. When she trekked through the snow after surviving the avalanche at Haven, I felt a little part of me inside tug like a frigging puppet, and that was when I was certain I was in trouble.

That was when people really started to follow her, and once more I had a little wobble and wondered if she really was the type of person I wanted to pledge my bow to, you know (in more ways than one)? So many odd faces clamouring to get in line behind her; a weird-as-you-can-imagine-but-possibly-a-bit-more spirit, a buff Quanari mercenary, the (stick up the arse, but can be dislodged) Lady Seeker, the elfiest elf that ever existed…amongst all that, where did a mischievous archer fit in to it all? More importantly, how was I going to hold her attention long enough to get her to take her kit off?

But all it took was one suggestive word in Skyhold's courtyard from her defined jaw, letting me know she had noticed, and I was hooked like a wriggling fish, all slippery and…woof. I was swooning like a parlour maid over the master of the house, so I knew I had to sort it out proper.

So I tested her, bit by bit. Took her onto the roof one day to chat shit about cookies and pride, mad right? But she _listened_, and I didn't catch one eye roll – I mean, she could have done one _really_ quickly when I blinked or whatever, but Inky isn't like that. Pulled her around Skyhold playing pranks on her advisors expecting to get chucked out the door on my behind, but she got me again, even helped to hook the bucket of water above Miss Prissy-Pants door (like I was going to be able to reach). Better still, she let me bash the head in of this fancy bastard after the Verchiel mess-up; I was starting to get used to this _acceptance_ malarkey.

After all that not-shit behaviour, it was impossible not to drag her up to her massive quarters by the horns and show her just exactly what reward I give to people who actually give a shit about the little guy. When I finally managed to get her into bed; dear maker…you think Qunari are hot with their clothes on? Do me favour, let of your "Oh it's not _natural_"s and your "I'm not going there"s for a moment and just _experiment_ and _have fun!_ Cause I didn't know the meaning of…y'know…until we…_y'know!_

So I finally had myself a Quanari girlfriend – and you don't find them hanging around Denerim or Val Royeux street corners waiting to pick up any old scraggly elf, so I spent a good few evenings placing my face up against the cool window just to check that I wasn't dreaming as I sat reading in my room in the tavern. But then I would see her wandering around in the courtyard; sleepless as usual, or checking up on someone, and for a brief moment she would look up to me, and the brief flick at the sides of her sassy lips would tell me…_this is really frigging happening!_

But everything goes wrong in the end doesn't it, yeah? Nothing good ever comes without some sort of bleeding catch to screw you over faster than a Chantry Nun in a brothel. I mean, she was a fucking Qunari, or Tal-Vash-whatever; yes she's gorgeous but I couldn't help wondering what was going on in that big head of hers, whether elves were just playthings for their massive hands. But, one day we were just talking right, and I ask her about the Qun and what is important to her, just to be certain she's not secretly following it or keeping a copy under her pillow. I'm all ready to be disappointed and kick her out the tavern onto her sweet Qunari arse, when this butter comes out of her mouth:

"Whatever I am to you Sera, that's all I need"

I felt like a bath full of little creepy spiders, crawling all over each other, as if all their little feet were walking all over my back. I would have dragged her up to her quarters in the time it takes me to shoot a noble through the eye (not long), but I was too busy babbling and melting like a cookie in the hand of one of those big, extra-flamey demons. She got triple servings that night; cook's special, I assure you.

Yet, as head-blowingly sexy as that was, it had nothing on the day I got the _best gift ever. _You're not going to believe this one; but the Herald herself goes round the whole of Skyhold telling EVERYONE that I am her LOVER just to get me a gift. She told Vivienne…_Vivienne…fucking…__Vivienne__._ I think I laughed for four days straight…once she managed to get up that is, after I let her get _very_ lucky. After all, I had to admire the shape she had shaved into her…_area_…from _every_ angle.

So, yeah, what's the point of the story Sera? Why are you chatting on about all this rubbish like we care? Well I wanted to tell you about a very specific time with me and my herald. Because people only hear all the grand, crazy things she does; the herald saved this, the herald blew up that, the herald crushed this demon's face, the herald's slept with every woman in Orlais…but the truth about her is both as mental as that, and as common as what I'm going to tell you about now.

* * *

I couldn't sleep. Not even a little bit. Because sleeping is like allowing the nothingness into your mind, and maybe most of the time that is ok, but the day after you've been wandering around the Fade like it's a market town? I couldn't think of anything more terrifying; each time I let my lids close I couldn't guarantee that they were going to open again. Don't they say dreamers enter the Fade? I never wanted to go back, especially not on my own; at least last time we had Inky, Hawke, Stroud, Cassandra…I was even glad to have _Vivienne_ around for once!

Now, I know what you're thinking; _Sera you don't believe in all that magic crap! _Well, you would too if you'd been dumped face first into a land of frigging floating mountains! Then there was the nothing, empty things, little patches of pointlessness. Everyone seeing different nightmares, which couldn't have been real anyway right? They just _can't_ be real, because if there were…then so much else would also have to be real as well. Damn it, why could I have not just had some horrible, hairy spiders? Spiders take arrows right between the eyes; nothingness just eats up everything around it, no way back, just…ugh! I don't want to think about it!

I was lying in my little alcove in the tavern, curled up on the seat and trying desperately to think of anything but _nothing_. I know that makes no sense at all; so let me try and describe it for you, yeah? Imagine your brain just _shut off_ one day, and instead of all the beautiful sight, sounds and memories that usually jangle around in there, all you had was pitch black, blissful silence. Sounds great? Wrong; after a few minutes you'd start to feel alone, after a few hours you might think you were dead, and much longer than that you're stark raving mad. We _need_ the chaos, the lively, vibrant normalness of life – the little things and little people, because without it we're just stuck in our own stupid heads, and I don't want to be stuck with just me forever.

I was shaking so hard that I could almost hear my bones clattering together; skinny little thing that I am, and the cushions beneath me felt rough as Iron Bull's stubble (of course I've tried stroking it…). Nothing in my little room that would usually comfort me was helping; the bright, vibrant red seemed dulled to grey, all my little creations and collections seemed worthless, and worst of all the entire space seemed to be closing in on me, tightening its grip round my body like a huge Quanari fist.

Hmm…now I'm distracted.

Sorry, sorry!

So, to your next question; why were you on your own? Why not go and hide in your big, strong Inquisitor's room and get distracted? Well that's just it, yeah? I almost socked her when we came back from Adamant, that was embarrassing enough, and then I had to backtrack like a blabbering idiot before I gave up just how sodding frightened I was. She didn't need to see that side of me; the stupid little girl with too much pride to face up to what happened…too much pride to admit she could be wrong.

So yeah, I sat in my room, shaking and dreading the night as it closed in around me, too stubborn to ask for help from the one who would gladly offer it. Call me a fool, and you'd be right.

I'd taken to shutting my eyes and role-playing being asleep in the absence of any true shut-eye approaching, when a faint sound rustled outside my door – barely a rustle, but enough for my massive elfy ears to hear, like someone was deciding whether or not to knock the door. I managed to open my sore eyes and squint through the darkness, and instantly something felt…_off_. It wasn't Inky, that was for sure – doubt she'd bother knocking anyway. Besides I had been such a shit to her earlier that she probably wanted to get away from me until I'd calmed down. I'd scribbled a note earlier which sat on the floor, the parchment just visible in the moonlight, it said simply:

"_Make it up to Inky_

_Make Inky purr_

_Stop being such a rubbish girlfriend"_

I'd have made a mental note, but I tend to lose those so I find writing things down helps to organise things, so I can be sure I say what I meant to, and it doesn't turn into a load of nonsense. Most people think I'm right weird, but honest solution is I think too fast, talk to fast, and don't do a lot of filtering in the process. Stopping and deciding things gives time for the sadness to catch you, and why would anybody want to allow that in? Why do people want to make themselves feel bad?

So, rambling aside, there was a…._something_ outside my door, lurking there. Given how mental I was feeling, this was _not welcome_. Perhaps it was Maryden? I did wonder if she might have a thing for me – always have to be careful with bards. Then again, why now? Why not when I was drunk and she had a chance of me not noticing a stray hand? Pissballs, of course it wasn't her. I scolded myself as I picked up the sound of breathing and instantly felt my heart lurch in terror. A demon? Could it have followed us back from the fade? I don't know what crap they can do – but I wouldn't trust that they couldn't.

I slowly pushed myself up, quiet and sleek like an alley cat and fumbled around for my bow – always within an arm's reach, I'm no idiot. I felt the pressure of my own teeth bite my lip involuntarily as I crept up to the door and armed the weapon with a nice, pointy arrow. I rose and let the blanket slide off me and crouched on the couch, leaving enough room to aim at the door whilst keeping out of range of whoever was behind it. Damn, I can be so smart sometimes y'know?

"Open the door" I commanded suddenly.

I heard a surprised male yelp from the other side; the poor bastard clearly thought he was being subtle, more fool him. Now I had the advantage; just the way I liked it. I squinted and watched with interest as the door trembled open uncertainly with an uncertain creak. At the sight of who was behind it though, I lowered my weapon and sighed in exasperation.

"Shitting hell Cole!" I grumbled, throwing my bow to the side irritably and moving to cuff him squarely across his straw-like hair, "What the fuck are you doing squatting outside my room you creepy…_thing_" I frowned, crossing my arms and appraising the unreadable spirit unsuccessfully. Bloody guileless; makes it hard to know what it wants…which is assuming he…it…whatever even frigging knows what he wants.

"You were being so loud" he hummed in his renowned monotone.

"Y'what?" I raised an eyebrow to high I may as well have severed it from my face, "Cole I was trying to sleep, I don't snore that-"

"She doesn't mind, she can't sleep either. She is worried about you. She wishes you would go to her. She can help."

"Get out of my head weirdo" I warned, "You know how I feel about-"

"She watches from the balcony, tight sickness similar to the dread of her first kill chills her like a torrent of sleet, wanting, wanting yet still unsure if it is _wanted_. She cares, and it is more than she ever suspected she was capable of…perhaps…" Cole took a step forward, and I instinctively flinched away, "Perhaps this is proof she is _more_"

"Who are you talking about?" I asked redundantly, already suspecting I knew the answer.

"She watches" Cole finished.

I turned back to the window and walked over to make a break in the curtains and gaze up to the Inquisitor's tower. Even with my keen eyesight it wasn't clear if anyone was up there or not in this gloom. It was _possible_ that the darker shadow in one corner vaguely resembled a Quanari outline but…

"Cole there's no way you could have seen…"

But before I turned around I already knew that he was gone, like a strange breeze passing behind me.

'_Damn it' _I scolded myself, _'Why do you let this shit get to you? When did you become so sodding soft?'_

I shook my head in disbelief; if Cole hadn't used his crazy spirit powers to _physically_ see Inky up on her balcony…that meant he had _seen into her thoughts_. Uncomfortable as that made me (I don't share, and she's _mine_), it meant what he was saying was right (I might not like magic and sprits and whatever, but I couldn't deny Cole's…_curse_). That in turn meant my lover was sat fretting over me, right now, while I sat pissing myself in fear because I didn't want to bother her. The twists and turns in the situation were making me ruddy sick.

But it all came down to this; if Cole could see I was being a twat, then it must be fucking obvious. As quaint as the thought of Inky gazing down watchfully over me was, I couldn't stand the thought of her wasting her energy over someone as…

Anyway.

I sighed; it looked like I would be making a midnight stroll after all. Picking up one of Inky's massive, animal skin cloaks that she had accidentally left in my room one day (and I had subsequently decided to use it as a blanket…it smelt like her) which dwarfed me like a child wearing the clothes of their parents (try not to dwell on that), I shuffled awkwardly out of my room and into the dimly lit tavern. Cole was nowhere in the immediate vicinity, at least as far as I could tell. That eased my mind a bit as I struggled to stumble down the stairs without tripping over the bland brown fabric that followed behind me. The tavern was eerie when nobody else was around; I didn't like to see it without all the great, ordinary people getting pissed, passing rumours, slowly bringing empires down with their beer-riddled minds. Without them the building seemed like a huge dead husk, just a big imposing shape with no purpose. What was a tavern with empty benches, clean glasses, dry floors, and silence? Nothing, that's what – and I couldn't handle the empty solitude of the pub in my fractured, messed-up state, so I shut my eyes and tramped as quickly as I could towards the exit without falling over.

The cool air brushed over my burning face as I burst into the gloomy courtyard. The patches of skin where I hadn't wrapped the itchy cloak around me close enough bristled at the chill as I made my way over to the main hall of Skyhold. A few soldiers lingered around idly, looking slightly worse for wear or else diligently on guard – depending on how long they had spent in the tavern earlier and who they spent it with, if you know what I mean? I brazenly strutted across their gazes, unashamed of their incredulous looks as I ascended the prominent staircase that dominated the area.

My haste to reach Inky however meant I stumbled up the ancient stone stairs like a right prat, landing heavily on my feet and almost smacking my face into the next step and losing all my teeth.

A small, barely stifled snort from behind me told me that the blunder hadn't gone unnoticed by the stiff bastards standing to attention.

"Yeah well…" I shouted back loudly, too embarrassed to look back, "You don't get to shag the Inquisitor do you now?!" I laughed, running up the remaining stairs deftly.

'_That will show them'_ I thought, smiling to myself smugly as I pulled the great wooden doors of the great hall open and slunk gently inside, not even bothering to wait for a reaction. It's more fun if you leave them struck dumb in silence…always have the last word, and then nobody can prove you wrong – that is how I work.

Not like anyone has ever told me any different.

* * *

"_Inky!"_

I hissed my lover's name as I ascended the ridiculously long staircase to her room.

"_Inky are you up?" _I trailed the cloak behind me as I tried to listen for a reply from my tame Qunari.

As I twisted round the top of one stage of the staircase, approaching the ridiculously lavish room, I wondered what I would do if the Inquisitor had indeed fallen asleep in the time it had taken me to get my arse over here. That would look a bit creepy wouldn't it; me standing over her, watching her sleep?

Just as the beautiful windows overlooking the balcony came into view as I came up the last few stairs, I heard a familiar voice chime from above me, and my body erupted into a bundle of chills and excitement.

"Must you abuse the guards so? I'm sure they don't need nightly updates on my sex life..."

I broke into a mad grin and leapt up the final stair to see the Inquisitor leaning over the bannister, watching my progress up her staircase. It made sense…why _wouldn't _she want to watch me? The thought made me think of making progress up her _other_ staircase…

Not sure if that one works or not…sorry, actually I'm not sorry.

Inky was dressed in her usual casual clothing she wore around Skyhold; a boring beige shirt and trousers that looked like noble crap. I ignored that and instead paid attention to her defined, wonderful jawline and long, powerful limbs…I had to remind myself I was here for more serious purposes before I jumped the poor woman.

"They know already Inky; everyone can see the looks you give me yeah?"

The horned woman hummed pleasantly in the back of her throat, but her smile was nervous, faked. She pushed off the bannister to face me, and I saw the depth of the worry in her dark eyes. She looked at me intensely, and yet again it was difficult to avoid succumbing to my natural urge to tackle her to the floor. But she was waiting for me to talk; waiting for an explanation as to why I had snuck into her room wrapped in her clothes, I imagined. She arched a long eyebrow on her high forehead and crossed her arms, sighing heavily.

"Am I going to have to force this out of you?" she asked wryly, "Or would that be a reward?"

"Depends…" I mumbled coyly, "…were you out on the balcony?"

"Why?" she asked curiously, but quickly enough that I knew the answer was _yes_.

"Cole told me you nutter" I laughed and spread my arms out, "What were you doing standing out in the cold like that?"

"_Fucking Cole"_ she murmured under her breath, but loud enough for my massive elf-ears to hear. She looked over me out into the night, her look contemplative. I felt my gut twist at the shimmering look in her big Qun-y eyes, and so walked up and placed a hand gently on one of her broad, muscular arms. I could feel it tremor slightly beneath my touch.

"Was it for me, love?" I whispered, and was instantly answered with a gentle hand stroking the back of my neck beneath my scraggly hair. The sensation calmed my nerves better than any alcohol, and believe me, I've tried them all.

"I shouldn't have taken you on that mission Sera" she spoke darkly, "Not when I knew…" she closed her eyes resignedly, "The Inquisition should not see this side of me"

"Like fuck would I have let you go without me!" I frowned at her, unused to this defeatist bullshit from her mouth, "Even if it was…all horrible, nasty, nothingy, demons…" I felt a shudder run from the base of my back to the top of my head like the cold hand of a demon tracing my spine, "Shit…" I cast my eyes downwards and shook my head, overcome by the memory of the Fade. I instinctively pushed my body into hers and let her wrap her arms around me, embracing me protectively.

"You did try and punch me" she chuckled cynically, "I thought you would agree with me"

At this I pushed off her broad chest and went to punch her in the shoulder, this time the hit made good contact, although my fist bounced off her tight skin pointlessly.

"You utter twat!" I shouted, perhaps too loudly as the Inquisitor's eyebrows raised almost to her hairline in alarm, "I was scared!"

The Inquisitor laughed at my attempt to hit her and grabbed my shoulders to twist me towards the balcony. She often didn't say a lot when she was overwhelmed with emotion; she could be the very picture of a strong, stoical Qunari when she wanted to. Neither of us were fans of "deep" relationship chats; not that I didn't feel that way about her, it's just…not something I'm used to, or good at, or…oh _Andraste's tits_ you don't want to hear all this do you? Really?

_Fine…_basically the poor woman spent all day talking to people she didn't want to; so I made sure she spent the little free time she was allowed _doing_ things that she _definitely_ _wanted_ to do.

I.e. Me.

So who has time to go on and on and on about _love_ yeah? Because we might die from a demon, or a frigging spider-nightmare, or just a well-timed boulder; you'd feel like an idiot if you spent all that time _talking_ about how you feel instead of _acting_ on it wouldn't you?

So, to continue the story, she pushed me out to the balcony, walking behind me without saying a word. I had no idea what she was planning; the only idea I could muster was that she would throw me off for being such a tit. I _did_ like the feeling of her big hands touching me however…

"What are you doing you loony?" I called back over my shoulder.

Inky just sniggered to herself, which only unnerved me more, but she stopped short of pushing me off the edge and simply left me standing out in the chill of her overhanging balcony. I had to admit the night was beautiful; free of clouds, and splattered with stars across the glittering sky. Jeez look at how much rubbish I'm talking! Not often people see me getting sentimental, count yourself lucky.

"Stay there" she commanded, as she retreated back into her room.

"I feel like a right nonce!" I shouted back, stood huddled on my own like a lost child; but Inky came back within minutes dragging the duvet from her bed and some pillows, which she threw onto the balcony floor. I watched, perplexed, as she began to arrange them into some sort of…_floor-bed,_ and then proceeded to lie down at my feet.

"Come here" she smiled, "Let's focus on something real"

I considered kicking her in the butt, or protesting, but she saw it before I could speak she had silenced me with the faintest squint in her eyes…you wouldn't have noticed it if you didn't _know_ her like I did. It said, _'Shut up and do as I say, you moron'_. Or something like that.

I shrugged and dropped down next to her on the duvet, trying to spread the cloak out over the top of us, and nestled into her side, resting my head in the crook of her shoulder and snuggling closer. She felt warm and safe, _physical,_ not a dream or a messy bag of spirits. Her smell was like running across a fresh field – rustic and full of adventure.

I turned my gaze upwards and took in the stars above me.

"Soooo…" I paused, "Why are we…?"

"Is this any stranger than eating cookies on a roof?" she wagered, placing an arm around me and drawing me closer.

"Yeah, but that was _me_. You don't _do_ crazy stuff like that" I argued, unconvincingly, glad of her company on this night.

"You know, under the Qun we would never be allowed together" she mused, changing the subject, "Everything is functional; people care only for what is necessary"

"I think you're _very_ necessary" I chimed enthusiastically, wondering where the shit this conversation was supposed to me going.

The Inquisitor hummed a low agreement and fell silent, clearly not meaning anything deeper than that, and stared up at the sky quietly for a while.

"Know any conste-cons-constelerelations?" I stumbled.

"_Constellations" _she corrected gently, "Yes of course" she dragged a free arm and began tracing her long finger across the sky in a pattern, "That's the Angry Elfy-Elf" she smiled and then moved to another position, "There is the Great Cookie of the North" she winked at me and continued, "And that is the Qunari and Elf Try…"

"Oi!" I jabbed her side, "Easy there mabari…I don't think those _really_ exist"

"All constellations are is some made up collection of stars" she shrugged, "Why not make up our own?"

I was overcome with such a rush of affection for her in that moment that I had to push myself up and kiss her on the cheek…she _got it_. She understood all that mystical crap was just some bigwig with a scroll and too much time on their hands. All that power, and she decided to draw rude shapes in the sky with a poor elf orphan. What were the chances of that? How could I do better than this? She was so clever, so considerate. Instead of talking about what had frightened me, making it worse, she had completely distracted me, calmed me down without even trying. I didn't notice it at the time, it was so subtle, but I guess you're not a rogue without good reason eh?

"There." I pointed squiggling my finger around, "The Hot Qunari Wins Girlfriend of the Year Award"

She squeezed me in tighter, and I could have sworn she wrung all the pressure from me like a tightly wrung towel. As she let go, I felt the release and relaxed into the calm body that rested beside me.

We counted the stars till the chill reached our toes, and the nothingness was filled with the sound of laughter.


End file.
